So, you had another baby...

Dear friend,

You just gave birth to your second baby.  I am so, so unbelievably excited for you.  Babies are so wonderful. And what a blessing for your first child. As an only child, I truly believe that a sibling is the best gift. I promise that you will soon forget the pains of your latest labor and birth experience. You will fall deeply in love with your new baby, just like you did with your first.  There will also be many adjustments. I want to let you know that it is all going to be okay, but there are some things that you should know.

You may wonder (once again) if you will ever sleep again. You will. In time.  It is hard. So hard.  With your toddler running around you will not be able to sleep whenever the baby does.  You will be so tired. Enjoy any and all snuggles that you can, even if they are at 2 a.m.  Since you are always on the go, these days will pass even faster than you thought possible. 

Yes, the infant stage is hard. But, on the other had, there will be aspects that are surprisingly easy. I mean your new baby is not going to argue about what they are wearing when they leave the house. Or what snacks to pack. Babies are so portable! Remember the first time around when you were afraid to leave the house??  Baby number 2 will end up in all sorts of places that you NEVER would have even considered bringing baby number 1!  

Your toddler may regress a bit.  After all, you are paying all sorts of attention to this little thing that cries all the time.  You are carrying it everywhere!  Carry me!  I can cry too!!  Yeah...  That's hard too.  But it will also pass. It will!  

You will be perpetually late for awhile. Because you can't yet account for how long it takes to prepare two little people plus yourself to leave the house. As for leaving the house...you will want to go out!  To burn off some toddler energy and because that baby is so portable, and you are SO bored, but you will quickly realize how hard it is. How do you even grocery shop?  Bucket car seat in the cart plus toddler in the seat leaves very little room for groceries. Free roaming toddler can be dangerous. Tip: use the baskets meant for small grocery loads.  Put one under your cart and fill it up. Makes it easy to unload too. Alternatively...baby wear!  Leave the bucket in the car and strap that baby to your chest. :)

There will be times when both kids are driving you nuts. They are both crying for different reasons. Or maybe they are both sick (good times)!  It is completely okay for you to cry too. And to wonder if you really should have had another baby. How can you handle this?!  You can. Just not always. Ask for help. TAKE help. Even if you normally don't. 

Bedtime can suck. Oh boy. And I am saying this when I often have the help of another adult. Loosen up a bit. Do not stress. You will find your groove here too and you know how quickly baby sleeping schedules change. The world will not end if one kiddo gets 20 minutes less sleep. So, yes, try to make bedtime happen, but don't freak if it is later than you wanted to it to. Remember...perpetually late. 

There are good things too.  

Your heart will never feel so full as the first time they giggle at each other.  I have found myself driving on more than one occasion with my two in the backseat when a giggle fest breaks out.  It is as though they already have some secret way of communicating. Something that only they understand. I look back and they are just looking at each other and laughing. 

You will melt at bedtime when your first baby insists on giving the new baby just. one. more. kiss.  Or giving them a favorite toy. Or helping at bathtime. How could you possibly say no?  Let your first baby help whenever possible. Get a diaper. Bring a burp cloth. Sing baby a song. It will make them feel useful and included. Storytime is so much more fun with two littles snuggled close to you. 

Now let's talk about you for a second. I know how much you want to breastfeed. It will be easier and harder to give that a real go this time around. Easier because you have more experience, you know how it should go, you know it will be hard already. Harder because there's always that other little one. Hurrying you up. Wanting to do something else. Get yourself a big basket and fill it with some favorite toys and maybe some new ones too.  Go to this basket when you are nursing. Get down on the floor. Sit next to baby 1 with your trusty nursing pillow. Get used to multi-tasking. I have walked through my house with a nursing baby on top of a "my breast friend" strapped around me more times than I can count. Also...remember how your house was a wreck when baby 1 was born? And you ate the same meals out of the freezer for a week to survive?  Yeah... Things are going to be a lot messier this time around. At 6 months in, I still don't know the last time my floors were washed. Lower your expectations!!  You are doing an important job just keeping your children alive. The dishes, the floors, the laundry can wait. Again, accept help when offered!  And meal planning is your friend. 

The days are going to fly, my friend. There is nothing like bringing a new baby home to make you realize just how big your first baby has grown. You will hold up a tiny sock and think "you used to fit in this sock.  Now look at you."  It goes so fast. So fast. 

I will not tell you to "enjoy every moment" because you won't. There will be tears and messes and pee flying through the air!  And stress!  And worry!  But, if you can, find some joy in every moment. Some reason to be proud or happy or even relieved! It will make life that much more fun. 

You are going to have such a good time. I cannot wait for my littles and your littles to become friends. 

Love you all!

P.S.  A few notes about boys... Yes, you will probably get peed on at some point. They will start playing with their parts MUCH sooner than you would have guessed. And they generally do. not. stop. moving.  Enjoy. :)

The birth story, Baby Zwei

I had a fairly good idea what I was getting into the second time around. Somehow, when it comes to labor, that did not make it any easier. Apparently, my body just likes to grow big babies and my cervix just does not like to cooperate. I was hoping for a VBAC, but ended up with another c-section. Here is the story of how Baby Zwei came into the world.

1/11. Busy bee today. Lost gobs of mucus plug (c'mon, this is the whole story!!). Cramping in back. Packed up all Christmas decorations. Made a couscous soup. Made a batch of chocolate raspberry scones and apple cinnamon muffins. Stripping cloth diapers. Wrapped the gifts for brothers to exchange. Dance parties and playdoh with Beck. And a 90 minute nap. Trying to get things going. Waiting, waiting.

1/12. More bloody show this morning. Tried to stay active doing laundry (stairs). A bit more cleaning. Sweeping floors. Etc. No major contractions anymore though. Went for a walk as a family before dinner. About 1 mile. Around 8 pm I started contracting about every ten minutes. Went to sleep around 11 pm.

1/13. 1 am. Awake and up for a potty break. Freezing. Still having contractions. Gonna try to get as much sleep as possible.

4 am. Still about 10 minutes apart. Restless.

5 am. Tell husband to turn off his alarm--he won't be going to work today. Head to the bathroom again to do some timing. It is weird, but the toilet is quite a comfy place to sit.

7 am. My Mom arrives to watch her grandson while we head to the hospital. I shower, finish packing my bag, and take one more belly picture with my first baby boy. Should have eaten but contractions 3-4 minutes apart and didn't want to anymore. Had some tea. Big mistake.

830 am. Contractions slowed to 5 minutes while en route. I am only 2 cm. Boo. Got an IV for antibiotics for group B Strep. Stuck in bed. Contractions quickly picked up intensity and I had a hard time not being able to move. Husband turned on my labor playlist and I did find myself singing and dancing along a bit. Contractions were torture. Nurse did not like that contractions were lasting up to three minutes!!! I held out as long as I could.

12 pm. Get an epidural and sweet relief. It also helped normalize my contractions. Now lasting 30 seconds to a minute each instead of three.

1230 pm. Baby's HR drops. Nurse calls a code on me. The whole floor of scrubs appears in my room. Panic. There is nothing scarier than when the experts think there is a reason to worry. Change positions. Normalizes. All is well. But now my BP is low. Meds to raise it. Checked again at a 3. Major boo. Given Tylenol for headache. Hooked up to BP cuff constantly now.

4 pm. Contractions are 2 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute and strong. Staying on one side for sake of baby's HR means one side gets more juice than the other. I am feeling the tightness of contractions. Surprised to find that my water may have broken on its own.

445 pm. Husband has been watching monitors and tattles that my cheeks are rosy and babes hr has been going up. Slight fever but also confirmed water break. Now a 6! Woohoo. Starving, but not allowed to eat. Ice chips are not filling. Convinced Chris to go get some dinner. My favorite nurse takes pity on me and brings me the best rocket Popsicle ever.

615 pm. Dr arrives. Breaks the rest of my water. She says I'm a 7. Slight meconium. But making progress.

640 pm. Headache. More Tylenol. Change positions and try sitting up for awhile to bring head down.

7 pm. Baby's HR slowing a bit. Scalp monitor placed. Dr Wong warns that slowing HR and head not descending are things they are watching closely. Also my water is a bit more bloody than they would like. Going to give me a bit more time to progress but if head stays high we will be off to the OR. This is all feeling very familiar.

815 pm. Still a 7 with no further head descent. 24 hours in, we decide it is time to have a baby. Once again, both my doctors are there. I joke that they just want to see how big this baby is. Surgery prep happens very quickly. That blue sheet comes up in front of my face and before I know they are even cutting, I feel the pull of a baby exiting my body.

919 pm. Keaton Elliot is born. 9 lbs even. 21 inches long. Cord wrapped around neck twice. And now I have my second due date baby.

10 pm. We are in recovery. Skin to skin. He latches easily. Looks like his brother. Dad heads to nursery for first bath and checks while I try to get warm and stop shaking from the drugs.

12 am. We are all back in our room. It is immediately apparent that while they do look alike, this baby is quite different from his brother. Nurses quickly, not very demanding of the boob, sleeping well. Whoa.

Spend the day trying to manage pain. Baby doing awesome. All blood sugars have been good. Nursing well according to lactation consultant. Gave us 3 wet and 1 dirty diaper--already progressing past meconium!! Gramma and grampa were first visitors. Also learned that apparently one of my ovaries was bleeding when they cut me open. Due to the traumas of labor. Interesting.

1/15. Big brother visits with Oma and Grandpa. Very emotional for me. I was not really sure that I would have kids and here I was with two boys. A family. I could not have been more proud. Brothers exchange gifts and kisses. After they leave, we have our celebratory meal.

1/16. We take advantage of the day in the hospital. Relaxing and eating all the meals I can. Watch some movies, take showers. And then...We go home!!

Things they never told you about having a second baby.

Just because you know what to expect from labor does not make it easier.

You will wonder, after a second unplanned c-section, if everything you are feeling is normal. Mostly because, just like everyone says you will, you have forgotten the bad stuff from the first time around. You will doubt you will ever feel normal again. (I am mostly there!)

You will wonder how you could possibly love *another* little person as much as you love your first. If you will love the new one in the same way. Yes and no. Your heart will grow, grinch-like, and you will love your new baby just as much, but differently, because they are a different person from your first.

You will also wonder if you did the right thing by having another, depriving your first of all your focus. That fear will be wiped clean the first time you witness your oldest kiss your baby on the head and say 'love you too.' Oh sure, he has also been squeezed too hard, unintentionally hit with things (and I am certain will also be hit intentionally at some point), and been told to go away, but that one kiss confirms that these kids will love each other. Like brothers should.

Your first illness as a whole household will make you question yourself again. Being sick and having to take care of two sick kids is the pits.

You will realize that newborns are EASY compared to toddlers. Seriously! Newborns do not need entertainment. They need to eat, sleep, and poop. Literally. When I had my first I remember being so overwhelmed. Now I am still overwhelmed, but I realize how portable the newbie is. Just haul him along! He (probably) will not complain.

You will stress a lot less about your second and that is a very good thing. Just go with the flow.

You will love and hate moments of your life and that is okay. You may wish for your children to just go away at times. Time will pass ridiculously slowly and ridiculously fast at the same time. And it will all be amazing.

The Kids: Eins: 22 months and Zwei: 24 weeks.

Dear Kiddos,

it has been a pretty big month around here.

Beck, all of your baby teeth are finally in!!!!  FINALLY!!!  Hallelujah!!!  It took 4 months for those "two-year molars" to come in and that last one was just hanging on for the longest time.  They are finally here.  We brush your teeth before bed every night and you have started brushing your teeth yourself while we get ready in the morning as well.

Another huge milestone has been reached in the past month: you are no longer breastfeeding.  As I hoped would happen, you dropped the last two feeds after your teeth finished coming in.  The morning feed went first and we were just nursing before bed.  As it turned out, you nursed for the last time on my birthday.  If I had known then that it would be our last session, I might have paid a bit more attention.  Enjoyed you looking up at me.  Smiling as I rolled your pacifier down my chest.  Reaching up and playing with the skin tag on my shoulder (lovely habit).  Just recognized how far we have come.  I am so proud of the fact that we made it so long.  I am so proud of the fact that you got to choose when you were done.  I had no idea that the end would be so bittersweet.  I was looking forward to it and yet it made me very sad at the same time.  You are no longer a baby.  21 months and 14 days.  Wow.  I never expected to go that long.  I have tried to give you both cow's milk and almond milk since then, but you are not a fan.  Maybe in time, no rush, just like everything else. 


And yes, we celebrated my birthday.  We had a little dinner, just the three of us.  It was quiet and wonderful.  :)

The final milestone for your month was your first ER visit and cast.  Yay.  Not really.  There was an incident with your push trike this week.  You put your feet down while I was pushing you and your left foot got jammed under the footrest.  It has happened before, unfortunately.  Unlike some of the previous instances though, this time you did not react at all.  We made it the rest of the way home, you walked in the house and ran around and danced while I prepared dinner.  When it came time to get out of your highchair though, you would not put any weight on your foot.  It took your dad and I awhile to even figure out what could have happened!  We iced it for awhile, but you were still obviously in pain.  So, off to the ER we went.  You were so brave, little man.  It was already close to your bed time and we would be there until well past it, but you did not sleep a wink.  You wanted to watch everything.  We were shuffled from room to room, you had 2 sets of x-rays (the worst part because mommy could not go in the room with you.  I HATED standing in the hallway and hearing you crying.), saw several very nice medical staff members, but we were given no conclusions.  No visible fractures, but you were not tolerating weight or manipulation of that foot.  It was decided to treat it as a break, you were put in an over-the-knee splint, and we would follow-up with the ortho.  Daytime was okay because Oma came around to back me up, but you were miserable trying to sleep in that splint.  You just could not get comfortable and I cannot say that I blame you.  We saw the ortho yesterday and while he could not see a visible fracture either, you were still swollen and tender.  He made the decision to put you in a cast and recheck you in a week.  Thankfully, it is a short walking cast, below-the-knee, and you are already walking around on it like nothing!  And we are all sleeping much better.  :)  I sure am feeling guilty for hurting you though.  Hopefully, you will be all better in one week!

Meanwhile, Baby Zwei, you are charging right along.  Shortly I will be in the third trimester.  Where oh where has the time gone?  I feel like I am getting enormous, but I have not gained that much weight.  My belly just likes to get big, apparently.  At my last OB appointment at 24 weeks, 4 days, I was measuring 30 cm.  Whoa.  We had your follow-up level two ultrasound the week previous and the fancy devices are estimating you at 1 pound, 6 ounces, putting you in the 64th percentile.  You are not enormous, why am I?!  You looked perfect.  The doctor said that it looks like the suspicious spot is resolving on its own, but they do still want to keep an eye on things.  Make sure that it disappears completely and that you keep growing like you should.  A little irritating because I really just wanted to hear "everything looks good, buh-bye now!", but if it means I get to see you more I guess I will not complain. 

Love you kids, momma

Survival mode (13 months).

Thirteen months. This started off as a typical letter, but that changed when I broke down in tears a bit ago. It is almost 9 pm here, well past Beck's usual bedtime, but the Holiday Plague is upon us, so we are being a bit more lenient. Beck started getting sick on Christmas Day and by the 26th we were in full-blown survival mode. Take your "schedule" (I use the term loosely because we have a routine, but not a locked down schedule) and chuck it out the window. We are practically back in the newborn days... Naps whenever, food whenever, nighttime sleep wherever. Tons of fun. And snot. Good times.

Anyway, since the kiddo has been not really sleeping anyway, we gave up on the concept of even using the crib at all the last couple days. Camping out at night on the sofas and sneaking in zzzs when we could. Tonight we decided to just head up into our bed. I have spent nearly an hour trying to get this kid to sleep, to no avail. He is fighting it so hard. Completely exhausted, but will not close those eyes.

So, tonight, I am feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed as a momma. And that quickly spirals into feeling overwhelmed with everything else in life. Will we all ever sleep again? Will I ever catch up on laundry or the dishes? Will I ever have time to spend with my husband again? Will I ever get time to myself again? Of course, the answers to all of these questions is yes. But it is so darn easy to get caught up in one issue, whatever that issue happens to be, and think that this is the way things will always be, forever and ever.

I know that someday Beck will no longer need us for pretty much any reason. But that is hard to remember when he is sick and has needed me for pretty much every single moment of the last 3 days. I feel so awful for him, of course. Watching those little eyes water, his nose run, so obviously uncomfortable... I would take on the sickness myself if I could.

For now, I am just hoping to get through another night. And then another morning. Another afternoon and evening. Another day. And then however many more days it takes before this kid is well. And trying to remember that it IS true, this too shall pass, just like everything else has before it. And then something new will pop up, just like it always does as well. Such is life. Perhaps what I still need to realize as a parent is that we are always in survival mode. What works one day, may not work tomorrow. We are constantly adapting. How completely frustrating for a scientist.

Still working on it.

Oh man, am I having a guilty mommy day. 

My husband has been away on business the last two nights.  Night one went relatively smoothly.  The bath was a bit touch and go, but we survived.  I got a few hours of downtime to watch some mindless TV before heading to bed myself.  We had one feeding as usual and the kid went right back to sleep.  Doing good. 

Yesterday morning I managed to get up and get ready without an extra set of hands juggling the kiddo.  This was a bigger accomplishment than usual because it was a work day for me.  I prepped lunches the night before, made sure laundry and everything was ready to go.  I was feeling good!  I showered, breakfasted both of us, and got myself through the rest of my "going to work" morning routine BEFORE the babysitter (read: grandma) arrived!  Impressive. 

I should have known things would go to hell quickly.

Last night was awful.  Truly.  B went to bed at 8 like usual.  I rushed around doing my chores, getting things ready for today.  At 9 o'clock the crying started.  I went up to comfort and B quickly fell back asleep in my arms.  But I could NOT put him back in the crib.  It was one of those nights where it seems like your bundle of joy has a button on their back.  As soon as the button touches the crib mattress the screaming begins.   I struggled for 45 minutes or so before giving up.  Trotted back downstairs, let the dog outside one last time, and then brought my angry munchkin into bed with me.  He fell asleep relatively quickly.  But.  Then 11:30, 12:30, 2, 3:30, 4:30...  screaming.  Writhing.  Anger.  Nothing I did helped.  I could tell B wanted so badly to be sleeping.  He just could not get there.  Ibuprofen.  Singing.  Bouncing.  Rocking.  None of it seemed to matter.  I was tired and alone and frustrated.  And there may have been questions like "what do you want?!"  And exclamations of "Just please stop."  And hot tears rolling down both our faces. 

And now I feel bad.  Awful even.  That my little munchkin was obviously in pain and I should have just snuggled him up and held him and sang and not worried about it.  But all I could think was "Ohmigosh!  STOP IT!  I only have 6 or 4 or 2 or 1 hour before I need to get up for work." 

This mom gig is hard sometimes.  I am used to being so independent.  It is hard to get your brain to switch gears and to recognize that this little being is relying completely on you.  You cannot think of yourself a lot of the time.  Meaning pretty much ALL of the time.  You come second.  Always.  And most of the time, most of the time that is fine.  Great even.  Because you are shaping this little person!  Watching a personality develop!  Learning what gives him the giggles!  Sometimes though, it sucks.  And it is SO. HARD.  And you just want to sleep!  SLEEP!!!! 

*sigh*

So now I am at work.  And all I keep thinking about is how MAD I was at my baby.  MY BABY!  Who needs me!  For everything.  And will for a very long time.  And I know that his teeth have been bothering him.  There are definite signs that more are coming.  But all I could think about was getting some sleep for work.  Bad momma. 

That precious little boy still kissed me goodbye when I left.  Kids are miracles.  I love that little boy so much.  I am still working on remembering that I come second.  One of the best tricks to parenting is to remove your expectations, then you will stress a lot less.  Do not expect your child to sleep through the night.  Do not expect your child not to wake up.  Do not expect your child to have a solid routine.  Or think that one night will be similar to the next.  Or to not need you at 2 a.m.  Every day is new.  And different.  And another chance to get things right.  I am still working on that too. 

There will be days...

...when your precious babe wakes up cranky, demanding even more of your attention than usual.

...when, even after nearly 11 months and the discovery of a love that is stronger than you could have possibly imagined, you might wonder what you have gotten yourself into.

...when nothing is entertaining and it's all you can do to just make it to naptime.

...when your adorable sleeping babe wakes up a mere 45 minutes into that peaceful nap screaming.

...when you scoop him up, snuggle him, rock him and he falls back to sleep. Quiet again, but only for 15 minutes and then the screaming resumes.

...when he falls back to sleep once more, for another 15 minutes and this time, when the crying begins again, your own tears fall too.

...when you feel like you are not good enough. The toys you play with aren't good enough. The books you read aren't good enough. The crank hangs on, with outbursts of whining.

...when it only seems to end when daddy comes home. You feel relieved, but kinda crappy too.

...when you need to cry. Just let it out. All the frustration. It's okay.

...when all it takes is a simple goodnight kiss from a drowsy little monster in your arms to remind you that it is all worth it.

My monster is getting more teeth. Teeth suck.

A letter to my still pregnant self.

Dear pregnant you,

There are so many things I wish I could tell you, convince you of... So many things I wish people would've told you when you were a brand new mom. When you felt as though you were fumbling your way through everything and really just needed someone to tell you "Hey, you're doing a great job.  I know it's hard, but it will get easier.  You are figuring things out and it's okay."  Maybe, just maybe, one day you will do this all again. And maybe, just maybe, you can keep a little bit MORE of your sanity if you remember some things that you've already learned along the bumpy road of mommyhood. And, if some other momma happens to stumble across this letter as she traverses the interwebs, I hope it will help her too.

You will be a great mom. Really. The best mom your baby could hope for. "They" don't know what your baby needs. "They" can't tell you how much your baby should be sleeping or eating. "They" don't know your baby! You do. Go with the flow. Your baby will (unless something is medically wrong) tell you when they are hungry or tired. Feed them when they are hungry and let them sleep when they are tired and don't try to schedule them. Sooner or later, they will make their own schedule. No, it's not convenient. But then, if having kids were about convenience, people would pay other people to have and raise their kids for them.

Don't track sleep. It will make you crazy. Worry less about meeting the 15-16 hours a day quota that "they" claim is necessary for every baby and more about how your baby is behaving while they are awake. Each nap is not a life and death situation! Baby didn't nap well? They will probably make up for it next time--it will balance out. After the first few days, stop tracking diapers as well. You'll notice if there's a sudden drop in frequency. I won't say to stop tracking time on the boob though... after 8 months, you're still doing this now... all so one day you can say "Look! I spent 581 hours of my life with you stuck to my boob!!" I don't know what the actual tally is right now because I'm kind of afraid to look and yet I keep tracking. Anyway....

You do not have to "sleep train." You do not have to "cry it out." You may CHOOSE to, but you do not HAVE to... Your baby will start sleeping more. Your baby WILL figure out days versus nights. If your baby is waking frequently, there's a darn good chance that there is a very good reason and it's not to torture you. Although some nights, okay, many nights, it will feel that way. It is OKAY to co-sleep. Do yourself a favor though and try to resist the temptation to hold that adorable sleeping baby for all their naps. You may have a giant that will outgrow his swing and bassinet far too early and then be stuck with a baby who does not want to nap lying flat. Oops. But it's okay if that happens too because these early months will fly. FLY. Even though those nights seem so very long. People, heck your own family, may tell you that you have spoiled your baby. It is OKAY to "spoil" your baby. Enjoy the cuddles and kisses you can steal now. You can already feel them slipping from your fingers. Babies grow up; you can't prevent that. A baby that wants to sleep with his mommy is not the same as a "spoiled" toddler.

You'll notice that most of this is about sleep. It's the thing you worry most about. It doesn't help that it's everyone's favorite thing to ask! "Is he sleeping through the night yet???" Who cares! The person asking certainly doesn't--they're not the one waking up. They probably just want to brag about their own baby that slept through the night at 3 weeks old. Don't believe them. Parents lie. It's true! Because you want to start telling people "Yes!" just so they'll shut up already.

Relax. It will get better. You are not alone. Read this, feel better.

Also, being a mommy will be difficult in ways that you can't possibly yet imagine. Sure, the sleeplessness and fun boobtime are big ones. But, you are a creature of habit. You have your routines, you find comfort in them. In knowing how things are going to work and what is coming next. Guess what? Babies don't really work that way.  Everything is a phase.  Everything.  Oh, they may eventually (*eventually*) fall into a bit of a pattern. But don't get comfortable because once you do... The pattern changes. You cannot even believe how many times things change. Everything from sleep and eating habits, the big ones, to small things--today, I love my swing! Today I hate my swing! Don't hold me like this, are you nuts?! Mind-boggling! Do not spend too much time trying to "figure things out." Put that analytical mind on hold, the mind that is used to following a protocol and getting a certain result, because protocols don't work here. See above re: pattern changes. Babies are unpredictable. What works one day won't work the next, what is hilarious one day won't even get a smile the next. There is no protocol. Roll with the phases and the punches.  Try to enjoy them even!

Here's something you had considered but didn't quite recognize the degree to which things would change: you're an introvert. You like alone time. Sure, you like your friends and family, but every once in awhile, you need to be alone to stay sane. That is (mostly) gone now. There is a little person that depends on you for everything right now. That goes for food, care AND entertainment. You're lucky if you get to go to the bathroom alone during the day. Get ready for this.

Being a mommy is very different from being a full-time employee.  "Full-time employee" usually implies 8 hours of work a day, 5 days a week.  Being a mommy, is FULL full-time.  All day, every day.  It is physically and mentally exhausting, like a regular job, but it is also emotionally exhausting.  It's hard not knowing why your baby is crying.  It's hard not knowing what is "the right way."  You will doubt yourself.  You will think you are doing it wrong and you are clearly the worst mom ever.  I promise you that every mother has had these thoughts.  You will start to figure things out.  

I'm making this all sound so wonderful! It is though, really. It's difficult, but ALSO wonderful in ways you can't possibly imagine. Every time your baby does something new or you can see them figure something out, your heart will swell. When they smile at you in the morning or giggle when you tickle them, you may find yourself crying. You can even find joy in those quiet moments, in the dark, when he's *finally* asleep and you just stare at his little face knowing full well that you should close your eyes as well, but you just *can't.*

You are about to raise a little person. And it's a miracle. Even though you, a scientist, know more about all the details than most people, you still know that just the fact that all these biological processes happened at once or in a very specific order to create this little person... It's truly amazing. You are blessed. Remember this at 2 am. Remember how lucky you are and how amazing this is! Along with being completely overwhelming and life-changing and routine-destroying and OMG-willheeversleep-screaming. It will be okay.

Relax. Smile more. Laugh more. You will not enjoy everything (and that's okay!!!), but try to enjoy MORE. Because you have no idea how fast it will go.

Love, Mom to an 8 month old

Sleep regression.

Yowza. This has been a rough week. I never knew about sleep regression before becoming a mom. In fact, I was blissfully ignorant for about the first three and a half months of my kiddo's life. Oh sleep was always a concern, but I figured it would get better with time and, for the most part, it did. My guy was and continues to be a...healthy...eater, so we were (and still are) doing nighttime nursings, but he would eat and drift back off without an issue. Sometime around three and a half months though, that all changed and we went from sleeping in three hour stretches to waking up pretty much every hour. Screaming. We could rock him to sleep, but forget about putting him down or the crying would begin again. We began co-sleeping. It was the only way any of us got any sleep. It was easier to nurse and to comfort him back to sleep when he woke. There were still regular occurrences of dad having to take him down to the couch around 2 a.m., but we were getting MORE sleep at least.

Due to a series of real life events over the course of the next several weeks and months, we kept up the practice of co-sleeping. We had our first weekend away, our first vacation, an illness and pretty much a solid month of teething. All those things disrupted little dude's sleep anyway, so we figured why fight a battle that would be impossible to win.

At about the six month mark, when things calmed down a bit, I decided it was time to get this kid sleeping in his crib again. It was a bit of a battle for two nights, but we went back to our nightly routine and he started getting put down in his crib AWAKE and putting himself to sleep at night. Yeah, I stayed in the room while he fell asleep, so what? I've come to terms with the fact that I am strongly opposed to the cry it out concept. I know it works for a lot of people, but it's not for me. The good news is that since that time he has been sleeping in his crib at least until his first feeding every night! Yeah, we still co-sleep the rest of the night. He protests his crib fiercely after the first feeding and I value sleep highly in life. :). Also, if I'm being entirely honest, although things get a bit cramped in our bed sometimes, I like sleeping with my baby. The fact that I am able to get him to sleep alone in his own bed for some part of the night, while I run around the house doing the chores that didn't get finished during the day, is good enough. For now.

The bad news is that, for the past week, baby is back to waking quite often. Every couple of hours typically. And dad has had to head to the couch with him on more than a few occasions this week at 2 in the morning as well. Turns out we are facing something that every kiddo goes through, usually several times during their early years. The monster even has a name--Sleep Regression. Dr. google and all the baby sites will tell you all about it, but basically at around 7 or 8 months, babies sleep habits are changing and their brains are trying to process a ton of new stuff. They may also be learning to crawl. So it's almost like their brains are too busy to sleep or they wake up and can't fall back asleep. Good times. Oh yeah and the first major sleep regression hits around 4 months. Whaddyaknow? That's when little dude was learning to roll over, we'd see him rolling on the monitor and it was usually when he had rolled onto his belly that he woke up. Now he sometimes sleeps on his belly, but wakes up in the night doing pushups. It's a good time to workout apparently. Crawling prep, no doubt, but still rough on the sleep.

So, consider yourself warned. There is a thing called Sleep Regression. It is real. It is not a joke. And it's kind of a bitch.

Things they never told you! Plus: Stupid men.

At work on a Saturday to make it to my part-time status for the pay period.  The place is abandoned and it's actually pretty nice.  My baby is finally starting to feel better.  Thank goodness!  I am on the mend as well and Dad has probably hit the lowest today.  :(  The good news is that this means we're all on the ups from here on out. 

Random thought purging while I wait for science-y stuff to happen here...

Stuff "they" never told you about parenthood:

~When your little gets sick, if they are lucky enough to have a cough, they may cough hard enough/frequently enough to vomit.  Goodtimes.

~When your little gets sick and they are crying, at some point you will probably cry right along with them.

~When your little gets sick, you will do anything in your power to make them feel better.  This may include, but is not limited to...
     -shooting saline up their nose
     -sucking snots out of their nose with a bulb syringe and rejoicing when you "get a good one"
     -running the shower at full blast at 1 am just to let them breathe the steam
     -sleeping on the couch for 3 nights in a row so they can sleep in a more upright position in their swing

~BUT, when they start feeling better, it will all have been worth it.  :)

I also had some blurbs saved in a draft for the longest time of stupid things that people said to me while I was pregnant.  I can't make this stuff up, people.

Random male, because I haven't had any weird cravings...  "Are you sure you've got a baby in there and not just a tumor?"

Random male:  "Your labcoat enters the room a few seconds before you now."

Random male:  "So, are you dilated yet?"  Seriously.

Man patting beer belly...  "Makes me feel good to see someone who is bigger than me."

Random male: "Must be any day now."
Me:  "Actually, I've got 3 months to go."
Random male:  "I'm so glad I'm a man."

Notice a theme?  I should note that all of these "randos" fall into the +40 category.  AND 4 of the 5 have kids of their own, so you'd think they'd be a little more sensitive after having partners that had gone through pregnancy.  Not so much.