Dear Beck and Baby Zwei,
kids, my life has become so much more... full with you two in it!!!!
Beck, you are almost 2 and are starting to become quite the parrot. You repeat words after us, but then we never hear them again, so I refuse to count them as part of your vocabulary. You have still gained quite a few words in the last month though and I think we are finally starting to see the "language explosion" that we kept hearing about.
Your new favorite activity is actually kind of a chore. You help us feed Lita breakfast and dinner. You hold her food bowl, put it down in her stand when it is ready, even bring us her water bowl when it is empty.
You love your monster trucks. Daddy got a new R/C monster truck recently and you two are having a blast driving it together. You are a good buddy for him.
You are still working on that. one. last. 2-year. molar. I hate teeth. Have I mentioned that before? Yeah... As a result of that tooth you have been sleeping a lot with us lately. I love the snuggles most of the time, but space is going to become a premium in our bed with my growing belly pretty soon. :) I am still hopeful that once this last tooth is out and with some gentle coaxing, you will start sleeping in your room again, just as you did before.
You are also still nursing twice a day and that is becoming rather... uncomfortable... these days. I am hopeful that this too will change once those darn teeth are done. If not, I will finally be willing to consider gently weaning you. Sorry, kid.
Current naptime is around 11:30 and you sleep for 2-3 hours most days. I usually work for part of your nap and then we snooze together for the rest of it. Goodness knows that I can use the extra sleep at this point too.
New things include:
~"ups"=oops "Ti-ta"=Lita "vroom" "hop" "bye" "Oma" "Ut"=out "Sit" "Holp"=help "Wawa"=water "Vamos"=our release word when feeding Lita
~Working on signs for walk, playground and help
~Your bald spot has filled in!!!
~I am sure there is more that I am forgetting....
The biggest news of the month is that we learned that you will be gaining a BROTHER in January! Your dad and I are pumped. I am already picturing bunk beds and soccer games in the backyard. :)
Baby Zwei, you are a mover and a shaker just like your brother was (and still is). Every doctor I have seen that I has tried to listen to or see you has commented on how you will not stop moving. Tell me about it. You are quite persistent with your kicks these days. Dad got to even feel you for the first time this week.
We had our level II ultrasound to check on you and all looks well except for one tiny, little thing that they want to check on again. All that means is that we get to see you again in 3 weeks! :) The doctor wants to make sure that you are growing at an appropriate rate (that is, they found something that carries a small association with growth restriction), which I only find terribly amusing because I am already measuring at least 4 weeks ahead of where I should be AND they want to monitor you for being too big since your brother was so large. Mixed messages much? Several other tests have come back normal, so we are pretty much convinced at this point that the doctors are just being overly-cautious.
It is official that as of your arrival, I will become a full time stay at home mom. I know this will take some adjusting for all of us, but it is the best thing for all of us as well.
You just keep growing and shaking and being healthy and your brother will keep me plenty busy in the meantime.
Love you two kids,
momma
Friday, August 30, 2013
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Baby Zwei: 16 weeks.
Dear baby,
you have baked for 16 weeks now. Four whole months. Parts of it have flown and parts of it have crawled, but, overall, it is definitely going faster than I imagined. Maybe that is because I do not have any time to slow down these days? Hmm...
We had another doc appointment this week. I have started feeling you kicking more regularly... little thumps. This was proven when the doc was trying to check your heartbeat and she claims to have seen you kick at the doppler wand. Already?! Just like your brother, you are a mover and a shaker. She started measuring my belly this week too and I was afraid to ask the measurement, haha. In four weeks or so, your dad and I will get to see you again. Because of my slightly abnormal blood work, we will get an even longer peek than usual because the doc ordered a level 2 ultrasound for us. This just looks at you and your surroundings even more in detail than the regular ultrasound to make sure once and for all that everything is a-okay.
I have a bit more energy than I did the last several weeks, although I am getting more easily worn out physically. Hip pains set in this week and I cannot carry your brother around as much as he would like. I pounced on an Ergobaby carrier that I found at my favorite place, T.J. Maxx, this week, but he does not seem to love it quite yet. I am very much looking forward to toting YOU around in it though.
We cannot wait to find out if you are a little brother or sister for Beck.
Love bunches, momma
you have baked for 16 weeks now. Four whole months. Parts of it have flown and parts of it have crawled, but, overall, it is definitely going faster than I imagined. Maybe that is because I do not have any time to slow down these days? Hmm...
We had another doc appointment this week. I have started feeling you kicking more regularly... little thumps. This was proven when the doc was trying to check your heartbeat and she claims to have seen you kick at the doppler wand. Already?! Just like your brother, you are a mover and a shaker. She started measuring my belly this week too and I was afraid to ask the measurement, haha. In four weeks or so, your dad and I will get to see you again. Because of my slightly abnormal blood work, we will get an even longer peek than usual because the doc ordered a level 2 ultrasound for us. This just looks at you and your surroundings even more in detail than the regular ultrasound to make sure once and for all that everything is a-okay.
I have a bit more energy than I did the last several weeks, although I am getting more easily worn out physically. Hip pains set in this week and I cannot carry your brother around as much as he would like. I pounced on an Ergobaby carrier that I found at my favorite place, T.J. Maxx, this week, but he does not seem to love it quite yet. I am very much looking forward to toting YOU around in it though.
We cannot wait to find out if you are a little brother or sister for Beck.
Love bunches, momma
Friday, August 2, 2013
Baby Eins: 20 months.
Dear Beck,
you are 20 months old now. Where the heck is the time going?!
Guess what??? You are going to be a big brother!!! I know that will be an adjustment for you (and for all of us, really), but I think you will love it. You really enjoy interacting with other kids right now, but I think it will be hard for you to share mom and dad. You will make it through your second birthday and Christmas as an "only" and then you will become "the oldest." Whoa.
I am certain that a TON has happened in the last two months, but Momma's memory is awful these days, little man. Just awful. So here is what I remember...
~We took our first trip to The Great North. You and I both had a cold, but you loved every minute of it. Loved being outside (despite the mosquitoes and ticks, ewww!), loved riding in the boat, and loved playing with Oma and grandpa. Maybe next year you will catch your first fish.
~Still one nap a day, around 11. Bedtime is at 8. You have recently started waking early... 5:30, 5:15, as early as 4:30! We are hoping this settles down once your teeth are done...
~Speaking of teeth, you have 18 now... 2 of your 2-year molars are in and we are just waiting on those last two! They are ever so slowly working their way out. We are so over teeth.
~Animal sounds--moo, quack, oink, neigh, woof, meow
~"Hi" "Mama (in context!)" and, finally, "dada"
~Signing more, milk, all done and please.
~Letting us know when you need a diaper change.
~Letting us know when it is time for a nap or bed.
~Shaking your head (Uh-uh) and nodding (mm-hmm).
~You went through a week of hating bathtime (???), but now are back in love.
~Nursing twice a day still... at bedtime and early morning. I think you might drop these when those teeth are done too, we shall see.
~Loving your Monster Jams monster trucks. And play-doh. And books. And puzzles. And going to the library.
~Bringing your dirty dishes to the dishwasher, your cup to the dispenser to be filled, and throwing trash in the garbage.
~Starting to really enjoy exploring the playground and even going down slides!!!
~No official recent weight, but the scale at home says 26 pounds.
~Still wearing some 18 month clothes, but some bigger sizes as well.
In general, you are a pretty happy kid. You are the little boy at the library who always gives his toys away. You seem fascinated by babies and other kids in general. You love to be outside, you even like the rain. But do not want to step in puddles... I am imagining that this will change. :)
You still begin most nights in your crib and then come to bed with us when you wake-up. Recently that has been around 10 pm, as you have been teething *and* ill. We all get more sleep that way. Our bedtime routine has not changed in a long time... Nurse and story in the rocker, change into jams, brush teeth. You turn out the lights and wave goodnight to the baby (a photo of you) in the hall. Kisses. Sing one or two songs in the rocker while we watch the star lights, then you go into your crib. We sit with you until you drift off. Normally, it only takes a few minutes.
I am so proud of the progress that we have made. I recognize that in a few short months I will be starting all over again and I hope that I can be as patient with your brother or sister as I was with you.
Love you, momma
you are 20 months old now. Where the heck is the time going?!
Guess what??? You are going to be a big brother!!! I know that will be an adjustment for you (and for all of us, really), but I think you will love it. You really enjoy interacting with other kids right now, but I think it will be hard for you to share mom and dad. You will make it through your second birthday and Christmas as an "only" and then you will become "the oldest." Whoa.
I am certain that a TON has happened in the last two months, but Momma's memory is awful these days, little man. Just awful. So here is what I remember...
~We took our first trip to The Great North. You and I both had a cold, but you loved every minute of it. Loved being outside (despite the mosquitoes and ticks, ewww!), loved riding in the boat, and loved playing with Oma and grandpa. Maybe next year you will catch your first fish.
~Still one nap a day, around 11. Bedtime is at 8. You have recently started waking early... 5:30, 5:15, as early as 4:30! We are hoping this settles down once your teeth are done...
~Speaking of teeth, you have 18 now... 2 of your 2-year molars are in and we are just waiting on those last two! They are ever so slowly working their way out. We are so over teeth.
~Animal sounds--moo, quack, oink, neigh, woof, meow
~"Hi" "Mama (in context!)" and, finally, "dada"
~Signing more, milk, all done and please.
~Letting us know when you need a diaper change.
~Letting us know when it is time for a nap or bed.
~Shaking your head (Uh-uh) and nodding (mm-hmm).
~You went through a week of hating bathtime (???), but now are back in love.
~Nursing twice a day still... at bedtime and early morning. I think you might drop these when those teeth are done too, we shall see.
~Loving your Monster Jams monster trucks. And play-doh. And books. And puzzles. And going to the library.
~Bringing your dirty dishes to the dishwasher, your cup to the dispenser to be filled, and throwing trash in the garbage.
~Starting to really enjoy exploring the playground and even going down slides!!!
~No official recent weight, but the scale at home says 26 pounds.
~Still wearing some 18 month clothes, but some bigger sizes as well.
In general, you are a pretty happy kid. You are the little boy at the library who always gives his toys away. You seem fascinated by babies and other kids in general. You love to be outside, you even like the rain. But do not want to step in puddles... I am imagining that this will change. :)
You still begin most nights in your crib and then come to bed with us when you wake-up. Recently that has been around 10 pm, as you have been teething *and* ill. We all get more sleep that way. Our bedtime routine has not changed in a long time... Nurse and story in the rocker, change into jams, brush teeth. You turn out the lights and wave goodnight to the baby (a photo of you) in the hall. Kisses. Sing one or two songs in the rocker while we watch the star lights, then you go into your crib. We sit with you until you drift off. Normally, it only takes a few minutes.
I am so proud of the progress that we have made. I recognize that in a few short months I will be starting all over again and I hope that I can be as patient with your brother or sister as I was with you.
Love you, momma
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Baby Zwei: Spinning (AKA The Phone Call)
This is the post I wrote shortly after hearing from the doctor. I almost did not post it, but am doing so just because it is a part of this journey now. See the update here.
Dear Baby zwei,
yesterday was a very good day. Your daddy was working from home so we were all hanging out together. Your brother was getting a reprieve from his teething agony and was in a good mood all day. I even heard him yell "nein!" from the other room when he heard me saying "no!" to Lita. That kid cracks me up. We had a great dinner and Beckett and daddy had a fun bath time, which was a welcome change after the last several angry baths. I was on bedtime duty and was singing your brother his lullabies after reading him a story when the phone rang. Frustrated that someone would call during bedtime, I rejected the call and finished putting Beck to bed. He drifted off peacefully and I tip-toed out.
Mystery caller had left a voicemail. It was my doctor. Calling at 8:15 at night. And telling me to page her.
My heart jumped to my throat. Surely this could not be good news.
I called the office and had Dr. Kim paged through the service. She was at the hospital and returned my call nearly immediately. She was reporting back on our NT scan and first trimester screen. Your ultrasound was perfect and all looked well. But my bloodwork came back slightly abnormal. The doctor reported that instead of the usual less than 1 in 250 chance for a chromosomal abnormality that would result in Down Syndrome, our results had the odds of 1 in 68. Baby, those are still very good odds, but I would be lying if I said that this news did not rock my world. Your dad entered the room just as I was getting off the phone. He took one look at my scribbled notes... "trisomy, amnio, harmony blood test, pregnancy loss, 1:68"... and just sat on the bed. He held me while I cried harder than I have cried in a long time. I cried until I could not breathe. Until no more tears would come. And I had not even told him what was happening.
When I finally stopped, I told him what the doctor had told me. He listened. He was quiet a moment. And then he asked me what my gut said. He put his hand on my growing belly and said that he believed that you were fine. And I want to believe that so badly, my sweet little one, I do. But mommy is not very good at remaining optimistic sometimes. *sigh*
So, instead of falling asleep peacefully and reveling in the fact that we had a good day... I spent time googling scary topics on my ipad. Wondering about what could be. Trying to decide what to do. Your dad sat next to me doing the same.
The doctor had suggested doing either an amniocentesis or a blood test called Harmony. The amnio comes with risks of its own, but results are quick. Harmony is just another blood test for me, totally non-invasive and therefore no risk to you, but the results are much slower. We decided to do the blood test and I will be heading to the office after work today for the draw. Then we will wait the agonizing 8-10 days to see what is in store. I do not know that anything would change, but I need to know now. I need to know.
As I finally settled down to sleep, much later than usual, much later than I should have, my mind was racing. I felt lost, confused, afraid, angry. I did NOT want to be thinking about these things. Was it not bad enough that I was stressing out about handling two kids already? But, for some reason, I put my hand on my belly as I closed my eyes. I immediately felt you. I felt you moving in there. I had felt little thumps already, but not like this. I felt like maybe you were trying to tell me that it would all be okay. That you were okay.
The logical side of my brain knows that a 1:68 chance means that 67 out of 68 times, everything is fine. The logical side of my brain knows that that chance is even higher because there is a 5% false positive rate on these screens. And they are just screens. Just odds on a piece of paper. Not diagnostic tests. The other side of my brain... well, it scares me.
I sincerely hope that in a few short weeks (or less) we will find out that all this worry was for naught. For now, we wait.
Love, momma
Dear Baby zwei,
yesterday was a very good day. Your daddy was working from home so we were all hanging out together. Your brother was getting a reprieve from his teething agony and was in a good mood all day. I even heard him yell "nein!" from the other room when he heard me saying "no!" to Lita. That kid cracks me up. We had a great dinner and Beckett and daddy had a fun bath time, which was a welcome change after the last several angry baths. I was on bedtime duty and was singing your brother his lullabies after reading him a story when the phone rang. Frustrated that someone would call during bedtime, I rejected the call and finished putting Beck to bed. He drifted off peacefully and I tip-toed out.
Mystery caller had left a voicemail. It was my doctor. Calling at 8:15 at night. And telling me to page her.
My heart jumped to my throat. Surely this could not be good news.
I called the office and had Dr. Kim paged through the service. She was at the hospital and returned my call nearly immediately. She was reporting back on our NT scan and first trimester screen. Your ultrasound was perfect and all looked well. But my bloodwork came back slightly abnormal. The doctor reported that instead of the usual less than 1 in 250 chance for a chromosomal abnormality that would result in Down Syndrome, our results had the odds of 1 in 68. Baby, those are still very good odds, but I would be lying if I said that this news did not rock my world. Your dad entered the room just as I was getting off the phone. He took one look at my scribbled notes... "trisomy, amnio, harmony blood test, pregnancy loss, 1:68"... and just sat on the bed. He held me while I cried harder than I have cried in a long time. I cried until I could not breathe. Until no more tears would come. And I had not even told him what was happening.
When I finally stopped, I told him what the doctor had told me. He listened. He was quiet a moment. And then he asked me what my gut said. He put his hand on my growing belly and said that he believed that you were fine. And I want to believe that so badly, my sweet little one, I do. But mommy is not very good at remaining optimistic sometimes. *sigh*
So, instead of falling asleep peacefully and reveling in the fact that we had a good day... I spent time googling scary topics on my ipad. Wondering about what could be. Trying to decide what to do. Your dad sat next to me doing the same.
The doctor had suggested doing either an amniocentesis or a blood test called Harmony. The amnio comes with risks of its own, but results are quick. Harmony is just another blood test for me, totally non-invasive and therefore no risk to you, but the results are much slower. We decided to do the blood test and I will be heading to the office after work today for the draw. Then we will wait the agonizing 8-10 days to see what is in store. I do not know that anything would change, but I need to know now. I need to know.
As I finally settled down to sleep, much later than usual, much later than I should have, my mind was racing. I felt lost, confused, afraid, angry. I did NOT want to be thinking about these things. Was it not bad enough that I was stressing out about handling two kids already? But, for some reason, I put my hand on my belly as I closed my eyes. I immediately felt you. I felt you moving in there. I had felt little thumps already, but not like this. I felt like maybe you were trying to tell me that it would all be okay. That you were okay.
The logical side of my brain knows that a 1:68 chance means that 67 out of 68 times, everything is fine. The logical side of my brain knows that that chance is even higher because there is a 5% false positive rate on these screens. And they are just screens. Just odds on a piece of paper. Not diagnostic tests. The other side of my brain... well, it scares me.
I sincerely hope that in a few short weeks (or less) we will find out that all this worry was for naught. For now, we wait.
Love, momma
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