I received a phone call over the past weekend that the youngest brother of a very good friend had taken his own life. It is a complete cliche, but words cannot express how shocked I was to hear this news. I instantly felt such a great sadness for his family, his brother and two sisters. How would they ever deal with this loss? In a way, it felt like a loss to my own extended family. There was a large group of us that was very close in high school, including his oldest sister (my roommate several times during college), and he was the tag-along little brother of the group.
Of course, then I asked myself why. Why would a 25 year old, who I can only remember as shy, but friendly and quick to smile; a lover of music, sci-fi and a good joke, do this? What could have affected him so greatly? We will never know the answer.
Last night, my husband and I attended the private memorial service that the family held. I was honored to be there to support my very good friends and their family. I was driven to tears several times at the thought of the loss of a friend, a nephew, a brother, but the one that got me most was the loss of a son. The parent's perspective strikes again. It has made me realize how important it is to talk, really talk, to your kids. Not that I think this family did not talk to their son. But along with the "coming of age talk" and the "sex talk" and all of those difficult conversations that a parent must have with their children, maybe we need to add a "life is not always fun, but there is almost nothing that can be bad enough to end it talk." I don't know. I don't know the answers. All I know is there is a hole in this family and it makes me so sad.
They are doing so much better than I could have imagined, I think because they have each other.
