Dear Beckett,
We made it. You are one year old. I do not know where the time went. Wait, let me think....
To crying. To sleepless nights. To hours spent listening to birds from the white noise app. To naps on the couch. To singing and rocking and reading before bed. To a lot of time nursing. To meals in the high chair, stuffing your face with both hands. To giggles. And cuddles. And kisses. To crawling and cruising. To 'boo' faces and your latest trick, waving. To many diaper changes. To teething. To several colds and RSV too. To many wonderful visits with family. To days with Oma and Gramma. To trips to the mall with dad. To walks in your stroller or trike with us and Lita Loo. To knocking over stacks of blocks. And playing in the bathtub. To weekly grocery shopping. To a couple of road trips and many holidays. To one awesome birthday party... We closed out your last month as a baby with a bang.
First, we celebrated Halloween. You had three costumes this year! First, we went to a party and all of us dressed up. You went as Eliot from E.T. Then, we went trick or treating at Oma and Grandpa Ken's and you dressed as a cowboy. We even tricked out your trike to be your horse. We went house to house with your cousins and although you had no idea what was really going on, we had a great time. Finally, on the big day you wore your pumpkin costume and we handed out candy while walking the neighborhood with your dad and Loo. I sure hope you come to love Halloween as much as your dad and I do.
A good portion of November went to planning your birthday party! We settled on an UNO! theme. Your Oma, Gramma and I made decorations including tissue paper pompoms and banners. I also made rainbow cookies to give to your kiddie size guests. Unfortunately, several of those kiddos had to cancel due to illness, so your cousins ended up being the only kid guests. But they had fun! So many people came to celebrate your big day and they were all very generous. Nona and Gpa came to visit for your birthday as well. They stayed with us for several days and had a lot of fun spending some quality time with you, even if we were just going through your typical daily routine. You waved for the first time while they were here. It was bedtime and we had just spent awhile playing in your bedroom. I asked you to wave night-night and you did. Now you love waving. Your latest trick.
You do not have any new teeth yet, but your molars sure are torturing you. You have had blood blisters for over a week now and they still have not popped through. I think all of us are over the teeth.
Yesterday, on your big day, your dad took off of work and we took you to the pool. It had been several months since we had been to the pool for your swim classes and it was your first time in the activity pool. You were very uncertain at first, but soon your were splashing in the fountains and kicking around having a blast. It was so nice to see you enjoying yourself like that. We were the only ones in the pool. I guess not a lot of people want to go swimming when it is 32 degrees outside... :). But we sure had fun. We might need to make a few return trips in this off-season. Your dad and I certainly enjoyed spending the day with you. We had a nice lunch, lots of playtime, and good naps. It was a great day. You and I went through your usual bedtime routine and read part of your special birthday book, Dr. Seuss' Happy Birthday to You. I hope that getting you a new book on your birthday every year is a tradition that I will continue.
I think that 'they' officially say that you are a toddler now. Wow. You are not walking yet, but you do let go and stand unsupported quite often now. And you practically run while holding our hands. Your gift from us was a train that you can push around and you are already practicing that.
You are napping now, but in just a short while we will go see your doctor for your one year well-visit and I will get to hear just how much you have grown. I do not really need the stats to tell me that though, I see the changes in you every day. It is astonishing to think how a year ago you were so small (relatively). Even your dad was a bit sad yesterday thinking about how quickly the time is passing. We love you so much, my monster. We cannot wait to see what the next year with you brings us.
Mama
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Thanksgiving.
It's amazing how your perspective on a holiday can change in one little year.
Yes, I know that Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time to reflect on our blessings, but, mostly, I have always thought of it as that one day a year where my husband and I try to see all three of our families in about a 10 hours span. We rush, we stress, we eat far too much. For that reason, I have never really enjoyed Thanksgiving.
This year, while we will still be visiting two different households (one less family to visit since my husband's father and stepmom have moved to Ohio), I am recognizing that the fact that we have so much family around us really is a blessing. Yeah, it does not always seem like it. It does put stress on us sometimes and there are always many opinions on every subject to take into consideration. But we really are lucky. We are lucky that Beckett has three sets of grandparents that he knows and loves. One set of great-grandparents even! Numberous aunts and uncles! Some cousins thrown in for good measure.
This is even easier to recognize after this past Sunday when we celebrated Beckett's first birthday. All of the families came out for the party. Some even put some pretty serious grievances aside to get along for my little guy. And that meant a whole lot to me. I am lucky.
I am lucky for my family. Sometimes they feel...smothering. But I know it is because they love us so much.
I am lucky for my husband, who works so hard and takes care of us and is just SUCH a good dad.
I am lucky for my snuggly little pumpkin. He is amazing.
I am lucky for my dog, who is doing a really great job adjusting to the presence of a little human.
I am lucky for my home, even though some days it feels far too small, it really is perfect. A great place to raise our kiddo.
I am lucky to have a boss and a job that allow me to work part-time.
I am lucky for good friends. That will share in my triumphs and my sorrows. Those are the best kind.
It is so easy to get caught up in all the things you want. Or the work that your house needs. Or how things could be better. I struggle to remember to recognize all the good things that I have. Having a little person to take care of makes it a little bit easier though. I am so lucky.
Yes, I know that Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time to reflect on our blessings, but, mostly, I have always thought of it as that one day a year where my husband and I try to see all three of our families in about a 10 hours span. We rush, we stress, we eat far too much. For that reason, I have never really enjoyed Thanksgiving.
This year, while we will still be visiting two different households (one less family to visit since my husband's father and stepmom have moved to Ohio), I am recognizing that the fact that we have so much family around us really is a blessing. Yeah, it does not always seem like it. It does put stress on us sometimes and there are always many opinions on every subject to take into consideration. But we really are lucky. We are lucky that Beckett has three sets of grandparents that he knows and loves. One set of great-grandparents even! Numberous aunts and uncles! Some cousins thrown in for good measure.
This is even easier to recognize after this past Sunday when we celebrated Beckett's first birthday. All of the families came out for the party. Some even put some pretty serious grievances aside to get along for my little guy. And that meant a whole lot to me. I am lucky.
I am lucky for my family. Sometimes they feel...smothering. But I know it is because they love us so much.
I am lucky for my husband, who works so hard and takes care of us and is just SUCH a good dad.
I am lucky for my snuggly little pumpkin. He is amazing.
I am lucky for my dog, who is doing a really great job adjusting to the presence of a little human.
I am lucky for my home, even though some days it feels far too small, it really is perfect. A great place to raise our kiddo.
I am lucky to have a boss and a job that allow me to work part-time.
I am lucky for good friends. That will share in my triumphs and my sorrows. Those are the best kind.
It is so easy to get caught up in all the things you want. Or the work that your house needs. Or how things could be better. I struggle to remember to recognize all the good things that I have. Having a little person to take care of makes it a little bit easier though. I am so lucky.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Still working on it.
Oh man, am I having a guilty mommy day.
My husband has been away on business the last two nights. Night one went relatively smoothly. The bath was a bit touch and go, but we survived. I got a few hours of downtime to watch some mindless TV before heading to bed myself. We had one feeding as usual and the kid went right back to sleep. Doing good.
Yesterday morning I managed to get up and get ready without an extra set of hands juggling the kiddo. This was a bigger accomplishment than usual because it was a work day for me. I prepped lunches the night before, made sure laundry and everything was ready to go. I was feeling good! I showered, breakfasted both of us, and got myself through the rest of my "going to work" morning routine BEFORE the babysitter (read: grandma) arrived! Impressive.
I should have known things would go to hell quickly.
Last night was awful. Truly. B went to bed at 8 like usual. I rushed around doing my chores, getting things ready for today. At 9 o'clock the crying started. I went up to comfort and B quickly fell back asleep in my arms. But I could NOT put him back in the crib. It was one of those nights where it seems like your bundle of joy has a button on their back. As soon as the button touches the crib mattress the screaming begins. I struggled for 45 minutes or so before giving up. Trotted back downstairs, let the dog outside one last time, and then brought my angry munchkin into bed with me. He fell asleep relatively quickly. But. Then 11:30, 12:30, 2, 3:30, 4:30... screaming. Writhing. Anger. Nothing I did helped. I could tell B wanted so badly to be sleeping. He just could not get there. Ibuprofen. Singing. Bouncing. Rocking. None of it seemed to matter. I was tired and alone and frustrated. And there may have been questions like "what do you want?!" And exclamations of "Just please stop." And hot tears rolling down both our faces.
And now I feel bad. Awful even. That my little munchkin was obviously in pain and I should have just snuggled him up and held him and sang and not worried about it. But all I could think was "Ohmigosh! STOP IT! I only have 6 or 4 or 2 or 1 hour before I need to get up for work."
This mom gig is hard sometimes. I am used to being so independent. It is hard to get your brain to switch gears and to recognize that this little being is relying completely on you. You cannot think of yourself a lot of the time. Meaning pretty much ALL of the time. You come second. Always. And most of the time, most of the time that is fine. Great even. Because you are shaping this little person! Watching a personality develop! Learning what gives him the giggles! Sometimes though, it sucks. And it is SO. HARD. And you just want to sleep! SLEEP!!!!
*sigh*
So now I am at work. And all I keep thinking about is how MAD I was at my baby. MY BABY! Who needs me! For everything. And will for a very long time. And I know that his teeth have been bothering him. There are definite signs that more are coming. But all I could think about was getting some sleep for work. Bad momma.
That precious little boy still kissed me goodbye when I left. Kids are miracles. I love that little boy so much. I am still working on remembering that I come second. One of the best tricks to parenting is to remove your expectations, then you will stress a lot less. Do not expect your child to sleep through the night. Do not expect your child not to wake up. Do not expect your child to have a solid routine. Or think that one night will be similar to the next. Or to not need you at 2 a.m. Every day is new. And different. And another chance to get things right. I am still working on that too.
My husband has been away on business the last two nights. Night one went relatively smoothly. The bath was a bit touch and go, but we survived. I got a few hours of downtime to watch some mindless TV before heading to bed myself. We had one feeding as usual and the kid went right back to sleep. Doing good.
Yesterday morning I managed to get up and get ready without an extra set of hands juggling the kiddo. This was a bigger accomplishment than usual because it was a work day for me. I prepped lunches the night before, made sure laundry and everything was ready to go. I was feeling good! I showered, breakfasted both of us, and got myself through the rest of my "going to work" morning routine BEFORE the babysitter (read: grandma) arrived! Impressive.
I should have known things would go to hell quickly.
Last night was awful. Truly. B went to bed at 8 like usual. I rushed around doing my chores, getting things ready for today. At 9 o'clock the crying started. I went up to comfort and B quickly fell back asleep in my arms. But I could NOT put him back in the crib. It was one of those nights where it seems like your bundle of joy has a button on their back. As soon as the button touches the crib mattress the screaming begins. I struggled for 45 minutes or so before giving up. Trotted back downstairs, let the dog outside one last time, and then brought my angry munchkin into bed with me. He fell asleep relatively quickly. But. Then 11:30, 12:30, 2, 3:30, 4:30... screaming. Writhing. Anger. Nothing I did helped. I could tell B wanted so badly to be sleeping. He just could not get there. Ibuprofen. Singing. Bouncing. Rocking. None of it seemed to matter. I was tired and alone and frustrated. And there may have been questions like "what do you want?!" And exclamations of "Just please stop." And hot tears rolling down both our faces.
And now I feel bad. Awful even. That my little munchkin was obviously in pain and I should have just snuggled him up and held him and sang and not worried about it. But all I could think was "Ohmigosh! STOP IT! I only have 6 or 4 or 2 or 1 hour before I need to get up for work."
This mom gig is hard sometimes. I am used to being so independent. It is hard to get your brain to switch gears and to recognize that this little being is relying completely on you. You cannot think of yourself a lot of the time. Meaning pretty much ALL of the time. You come second. Always. And most of the time, most of the time that is fine. Great even. Because you are shaping this little person! Watching a personality develop! Learning what gives him the giggles! Sometimes though, it sucks. And it is SO. HARD. And you just want to sleep! SLEEP!!!!
*sigh*
So now I am at work. And all I keep thinking about is how MAD I was at my baby. MY BABY! Who needs me! For everything. And will for a very long time. And I know that his teeth have been bothering him. There are definite signs that more are coming. But all I could think about was getting some sleep for work. Bad momma.
That precious little boy still kissed me goodbye when I left. Kids are miracles. I love that little boy so much. I am still working on remembering that I come second. One of the best tricks to parenting is to remove your expectations, then you will stress a lot less. Do not expect your child to sleep through the night. Do not expect your child not to wake up. Do not expect your child to have a solid routine. Or think that one night will be similar to the next. Or to not need you at 2 a.m. Every day is new. And different. And another chance to get things right. I am still working on that too.
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