What IS a 'good baby' anyway???

I've noticed that one of the questions that people LOVE to ask of moms about their babies is 'do they sleep through the night yet?'.

Here's the thing: I LOVE my sleep. LOVE. I will choose sleep over lots of other things. Much to my husband's dismay. But I knew getting into this parenthood thing that my nights of good sleeping were gonna be over for a long time. In fact, this started to become true by late in my pregnancy. Yes, as 'they' also like to say, my body was preparing me for the sleepless nights to come by making it nearly impossible to get comfortable with the beach ball in my belly.

So now, I have a four month old (!!!) and everyone wants to know how he's sleeping. Like that is some indicator of how 'good' a baby is... Guess what? It's not. We are struggling with sleep right now, it's true. But from everything I know, what we are experiencing is perfectly NORMAL. Yes, a month ago he was sleeping better. We would get a four hour stretch initially, feed, another three to four hour stretch, feed, and then maybe a couple more hours if we were lucky... But not in that cold, lonely crib anymore. That's okay. Now, last week that initial stretch dropped to two to three hours. And getting him to go back down after his feeding became difficult. There were hours slept cuddled in the glider or on the sofa. And it was hard! This week is different again because we're getting a three to four hour initial stretch. And then he has gone back to sleep before waking up in the early morning hours and wanting cuddles. He's a baby! Babies like being cuddly warm.

I'm a scientist. So when stuff is happening that I don't understand (I.e. why is my baby sleeping worse than before?) I tend to research. And google. And read. And here's what I found. It's normal! Babies go through cycles of good and bad sleep as they are developing. Especially when the littles are reaching developmental milestones, their sleep turns bad because their little brains can't handle all the information. There's even a fancy term for it: sleep regression. What happened last week? My little rolled over for the first time. And since then we often see him on the monitor rolling around in his sleep. We are facing the 'classic' four-month sleep regression. There will be more! Typically around eight months there's another one. What happens then? Baby is likely learning or preparing to crawl. And then there's walking! Makes sense, right?

Let's not forget that I'm also still breastfeeding and boobie-fed kiddos wake more often at night to eat anyway. Right now, we typically have 3 feedings between the hours of 10 and 6 am, and, from what I've read, I'm lucky that there aren't more!

Anyway, it turns out that during this four-month (which, like all the other month markers, is really just a guideline and depends on how each little develops) regression is when most parents decide to 'sleep train'. Because holycrap! the kid isn't sleeping anymore. Sleep training. There's a can of worms right there.

There are different kinds of sleep training, but the most common one is 'cry it out'. Yeah, that ain't gonna be happening. Who knows, in a few weeks/months, I may be eating my words here, but for now the thought of allowing my baby to cry in a dark room while I ignore him...it feels like a betrayal of the trust we are building. I know lots of parents do it, even some that I know. I understand the kiddo will never remember it happened and it *does* seem to work. But a) I'm not sure that it's necessary and b) I'm not completely convinced that there aren't *any* lasting effects. I don't know. The opponents of CIO claim that these are the kids that have nightmares later in life. Who knows?!

This is all a whole lot of babbling to say that...babies wake up at night. Some more than others. And more one week than the next or the previous. It cycles. Just like lots of things when it comes to babies. It's all normal. Eventually, my baby will sleep through the night. And won't need to be rocked to sleep. And won't want to cuddle. I need to remember these facts at 2 a.m. And I'm partially writing all this down to make myself feel better and realize that it IS normal. Yes, it's hard. And yes, it's frustrating to feel like you're going backwards. But the fact that my four-month old is not sleeping through the night... That doesn't make him a bad baby. Next time I'm asked "how's he sleeping?" I'm going to be honest and answer, "Like a baby."