Our Little Secret.

I'm a late bloomer. I held on to my baby teeth extra long. I didn't have my first visit from Aunt Flo until I was 16 (much to the chagrin of my cousin, who was "blessed" at 12!). Didn't have sex until I was 19 (TMI? OMG). Got married at 28 (despite dating my husband for 10+ years). And have always been one of those women that has thought: maybe I'll have kids, maybe I won't. Never felt the desire or the intense drive of some of my friends, who were more on the "I want to have babies asap" boat. But, recently something has changed. I still not *dying* to have kids, mind. I will be 30 this year, but I'm not feeling "my clock." Hell, I don't even picture myself as being old enough to be a mom. But I'm definitely feeling something here. Something that wasn't there before. Something that made me teary-eyed watching the pilot episode of Parenthood last week. The proud grandmom and dad are gathered around the dinner table with their 4 grown children and all of their spouses and kids. And I thought, yeah, that doesn't look so bad, it actually looks nice.

My husband and I are both only children. While all of these baby thoughts have only recently started swirling around my head, I have already decided that (as long as we can) I would like to have more than one child. Yes, I know, that's easy to say now. I have not yet experienced the joy and suffering that one child brings. But I do know that I feel like I missed out on A LOT by not having any siblings.

Right now, the thought of a baby still terrifies me. Strike that. A LOT of things terrify me. Pregnancy. Morning sickness. Stretching. Birth. Tearing! Stitching. And then, ultimately having a little bundle of tears and poop to bring home to try to keep happy. All by yourself. Okay, I won't be totally alone, but still! Somehow though, despite all of that, I'm still thinking this is do-able. What is wrong with me?!

I'll tell you what.

I've started day dreaming about converting the guest bedroom into a nursery.
I've started taking vitamins.
I've started a list of names in my head.
I've started thinking about how much our families will help and simultaneously drive us crazy.
I've started asking more questions and reading more.

We're not ready yet. But we will be soon.

One thing I haven't started yet is to tell people. This is all still hypothetical between my husband and I. So for now, let's keep this our little secret, mmkay?